


But You Shine On Me

by dykemoons



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: Amy Minoru - Freeform, Amy Minoru is a Lesbian, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Karolina Dean - Freeform, Lesbian Character, Mentions of Suicide, Mostly Nico's POV, Nico Minoru - Freeform, well she was anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 10:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17826776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dykemoons/pseuds/dykemoons
Summary: Nico Minoru has always had a darkness inside her. With Amy, she was able to manage it.But with her sister gone, could Karolina be the light she needs?





	But You Shine On Me

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted more scenes of Nico and Amy to show how close they were, and it turned into this.
> 
> This is meant to be an exploration of Nico's darkness, and how she deals with it inside her. Mostly what was going on in Nico's mind in and around the events of the show. Takes place from pre-S1, throughout the events of the show, to a little past S2.

Nico Minoru has a darkness deep inside her.

She’s always known. It's been there her whole life. No matter the circumstances, her mind always leaned towards fear, anger, despair, pain, and sadness, rarely allowing her to see any brightness in life.

Nico was able to manage it most of the time. It was just how she was, and she never thought of herself any different. And for the times it became too much, Nico always had Amy.

Amy was everything Nico wasn’t. She was the optimist, a happier, brighter person that could see the good in the world where Nico never could. Amy was always there when Nico needed a light to give her a rest from her darkness.

Even when they were little toddlers, when the world around became too much, Nico would grab Amy’s hand and hold it tight until she felt safe again.

When Nico had nightmares, or the loneliness of her bedroom became too much in the dark of night, it was never her parents she would go to. She would go straight to Amy’s room, and without fail, Amy would welcome her in and snuggle her tight until Nico was able to sleep.

It happened less often now that they were both in high school, but every so often Nico would climb into her bed late at night with a terrified look on her face, and Amy would give her a reassuring smile, wrap her arms around her, and kiss her forehead so Nico could feel safe again.

Amy never minded when Nico came to sleep over. It made her feel better too, to have her sister so close. But sometimes she was scared for Nico. She didn’t know how to help her escape the darkness, and she wished she could do more than hold her and whisper reassurances. 

She was even more scared now, as Nico had come in each of the past three nights with her eyes rubbed red, her face still wet with tears. Amy hadn’t had time to talk to Nico about whatever was upsetting her during the day, and when she came in at night, it seemed more important to calm her down in the moment than try to dig deeper, especially that late on a school night. As Nico fell asleep in her arms on the third night, Amy resolved to talk to her more the next morning, since it was finally the weekend. 

She didn’t have to wait that long. Amy woke just a few hours later, still early in the AM. As her eyes adjusted, she saw Nico lying next to her, also awake, and staring at a picture on her phone. It was one they’d taken a few weeks ago, their whole friend group, posted on Alex’s Instagram. As Amy watched, Nico would zoom into the left side of the picture, where Alex stood with Karolina just behind him, before letting it zoom back out, repeating the action a minute later.

Amy reached a hand out and smoothed Nico’s hair back behind her ear.

“Hey.” Amy said softly.

Nico jumped, immediately clicking the phone off. She flipped around to face Amy.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Its okay.” Amy smiled at Nico. She put her hand on Nico’s arm and started absentmindedly rubbing her thumb over her skin. “What’s up?”

Nico looked up at Amy, then dropped her eyes away. She looked scared, maybe more than Amy had ever seen her.

“Hey.” Nico’s eyes came back to Amy’s. “Whatever it is, I’m here.”

Nico closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She shakily started to talk. “W-What do I do...if I...llli..”

“You like someone?” Amy finished.

Nico nodded, tears starting to form in her eyes. Amy smiled, thinking about the way Nico seemed to be zooming in on Alex in the picture a minute ago.

“You’re okay. It's totally normal to like a boy…”

Amy stopped when Nico started shaking her head furiously. She saw the tears start to run down Nico’s sideways face down onto the pillow.

“No? What is it, then?” Amy asked softly.

Nico started choking over the syllables coming out of her mouth.

“A g...a gi..a g.”

“A girl? You like a girl?”

The chokes in Nico’s throat exploded into sobs as she nodded and completely fell apart.

Amy quickly wrapped her arms tight around Nico.

“Hey, heyheyhey. You’re okay.”

Nico continued sobbing, barely able to get words out.

“I...I ffffeel like a....ffffreak.”

Amy pulled back and brought her face directly in front of Nico and put a hand on her chin to push it up.

“Hey. Nico, look at me.”

Nico’s eyes slowly locked with Amy’s. Amy smiled at her sister and spoke to her in a strong voice.

“Listen to me. You are not a freak. It is just as totally normal to like a girl. I don’t care what kids at school or anyone in the entire world says. You are perfect and beautiful and you are not a freak for liking girls.” She paused and considered for a moment, and then added, “Actually....you’re just like me.” 

“Wh-What?”

“I’m..I’m a lesbian. I love girls and I’m super gay!” Amy was beaming, chuckling as she spoke. At this moment, she felt so much less alone to find out Nico liked girls. “God, that feels good. I’ve never said that out loud before.”

“Bbbut didn’t you have a boyfriend a couple weeks ago?”

“Yea, and when he tried to kiss me I kinda wanted to vomit. But when I kissed a girl, it was the most incredible feeling in the world. I felt like I could fly. You’re normal.”

“You kissed a girl?”

“Yeah, my friend Rose, last week. We both wanted to try, and she was so soft and warm and it was the most beautiful thing in the universe. I can’t wait for you to get to try it.”

Nico’s crying was slowly calming. “Am...Am I a lesbian?”

“Maybe. You like girls, right?”

Nico looked across to her sister, her gay sister, and felt safe enough that she was able to weakly say, “Yea, I like girls.” Amy saw Nico’s mouth curl up into a small smile when she said it.

“Do you like boys?”

Nico looked a bit more confused now, but she was calmer, no longer hyperventilating, and Amy thought she would be okay.

“I...I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it like that. Maybe? I don’t know?”

“That’s okay. You don’t have to choose a label tonight. You’re so young, we both are. We have a lifetime to discover who we are and who we want to be with. You’re Nico. And that’s a perfectly okay thing to be.”

Nico was almost smiling now. Tears fell down her face, but Amy thought they seemed more like happy tears.

“Th-Thank you.” Nico said, hugging Amy and crying a little more now.

“I’m here for you. And I’m so happy you’ve found yourself like this. No matter what happens, with the world, or Mom and Dad, or anything out there, you’ll always have me.”

Nico cried softly for a few minutes in Amy’s embrace. When she had stopped crying, she pulled away and wiped her face.

“And now, the fun part.” Amy said with a wide smile. “Soooooo, who’s the girl?”

Nico smiled. “Um...Karolina?” she said with a nervous laugh.

“Awwwww, that’s so cute!” The girls started laughing together. “You two would be so adorable together. What is it you like about her?”

“Well...she’s always so nice to everyone. She’s so happy its annoying, but I love it, kinda, also. She’s a really good friend, and, she has this way of looking at people, that, it feels like she sees you. And...it feels good to be seen by her.”

What Nico didn’t say was that all the things she liked about Karolina were things that reminded her of Amy. The kindness, the warmth, the optimism, the understanding, whenever she saw them in Karolina, she felt the same comfort and safety from them as when she was around Amy.

“That’s so goddamn cute.” Amy said. “And also cause she’s pretty?”

“She’s so freaking pretty, my god.” Nico responded so fast, feeling so free, being able to talk about how pretty a girl was with the most important person in her life. “Like her skin looks so soft, her hair smells so good and it always looks perfect, I don’t get it and it's driving me crazy.”

Amy was laughing by the time she finished. “Oh, my god, you are so freaking gay and I love it.” She looked into Nico’s eyes as her laughs subsided. “I love you, Nico.”

“I love you, Amy.”

The girls just laid there and looked at each other in peace for a few minutes, before Amy spoke up again.

“You want to try to get some sleep? We can and will talk so much more about all this.”

“Yea, we can sleep.” Nico said with a smile. She turned back around, and Amy wrapped her arms around Nico from behind and held her tight. As Nico drifted off to sleep in her sister’s arms, she felt something that she’d never felt before in her life. Something that felt like hope.

 

Two weeks later, Amy was dead.

Nico entered her room that morning expecting the same warmth she always felt in there, but Amy was cold, blue, and motionless.

Suicide, it was decided. For whatever reason, her parents said, Amy had decided to take her own life. But Nico couldn’t believe that. Amy had her moments of sadness, but she was never hopeless, never in a dark enough place to want to end it all. And Nico couldn’t believe that Amy would leave her. Not ever, and not so soon after they found such happiness in sharing their sexuality. 

Nico was terrified by her parents now in a way she had never been before. The way they accepted Amy’s death as a suicide so easily despite the lack of any logical reasons made Nico suspicious. Why wouldn’t they consider any other explanations? If she had killed herself, the only thing Nico could imagine was that her parents had found out about Amy being gay, and their reaction had scared her enough to want to die. So either Nico’s parents were the reason Amy killed herself, or they were hiding something about why she actually died. 

Her parents didn’t even try to comfort Nico, or give her any confidence that they weren’t hiding something. They barely talked to each other any more, and even less to Nico. Her dad spent more and more time away from home, and could barely look at Nico when he was. Her mom had always been a bit clinical and cold, and now there was no sign of caring coming from her at all. When Nico went into Amy’s room one night to sleep in her bed, try to feel any bit of Amy she could, Tina screamed at her to get out and barred anyone from entering, cutting Nico off from anything left of her sister.

Nico didn’t have her friends anymore either. With Amy gone, they started to go their separate ways, diverting to their more natural cliques. Chase with his jock friends, Alex to those weird nerds. Karolina got deeper into and more vocal about her parents cult, which scared Nico from even going near her. She didn’t know that much about the Gibbs, but someone that religious couldn’t possibly share whatever feelings Nico thought she had for her.

Nico felt so totally alone. Her parents and friends had backed away from her, and the only person who gave her any hope or happiness in the world had either abandoned her or been taken away. Either way, Amy was gone forever, and Nico was left with no one to save her from her darkness.

The pain of losing Amy was too much for Nico to bear. She physically hurt all the time. Her body ached, her stomach was always churning. All she could do was lie in bed and cry into her pillow, trying not to alert her parents, not that they’d care anyway. 

Amy was the only person who made her feel okay, who made her feel like she wasn’t a freak for liking girls, who made her think a future could exist where she would be able to like a girl. If Amy wasn’t allowed a happy gay future, what chance did she have?

With no Amy to share her light, Nico could feel her darkness crushing her. She felt like her bones were about to crumble from the weight of everything she felt. Nico felt suffocated by all her feelings. So she decided to stop having them.

Nico buried her grief, her pain, any remaining happiness or hope inside her. She shoved down any feelings she had about Karolina or girls in general. She resigned herself to a life surrounded by her darkness, never expecting anything brighter in life. She burned any remaining connections to other people and tried her best to exist entirely alone.

Nico explored her darkness, wearing black clothes, dark makeup, jewelry with skulls and crucifixes. She studied Wicca and other forms of Paganism, anything she could find that felt like it matched the darkness inside her. 

That was how Nico lived, alone in her darkness, trying her best not to feel anything or care about anyone.

 

But after two years of this, Nico was tired. She was tired of not having anyone to talk to, tired of suppressing any feelings that arose in her, positive or negative. Tired of living a totally numb existence. 

Nico found herself thinking more and more about what her life used to be. When she had Amy to help her escape the despair. When she had friends to talk to, to just be around. When she could be around Karolina and feel comforted just by her amazing smile.

Nico tried to push these thoughts away, to forget her past and resign herself to the darkness of her current life, but it was getting harder. The darkness was growing stronger, her sadness too much to ignore. She started to want a way out, anything that would bring back any light into her life. But what could that be, if Amy was gone?

Two years to the day of Amy’s death, Nico was more alone and hopeless than ever. Everytime she closed her eyes, she saw where she was exactly two years before, her sister lying motionless and cold on her bed in front of her. Nico wasn’t sure how she’d survived this long without Amy, and she wasn’t sure she could last much longer. And of course the one person who tried to talk to her was Alex, who apparently hadn’t even cared enough to go to Amy’s funeral. 

For the first time in a while, Nico felt her emotions break through and overpower her. She didn’t dare be seen crying in public, so she ducked into the bathroom to hide and fix whatever this was going to do to her makeup. 

And then there was Karolina. Appearing behind her in the mirror, asking if she was okay, despite clearly not being okay herself.

Nico deflected, of course, not going to suddenly open up in this bathroom. But just for a second, she felt something awaken in her that she had tried to forget.

As she walked out, Nico remembered how pretty Karolina always was, and how good it felt to be seen by her. 

She thought of the tears Karolina was crying, and Nico was suddenly angry, thinking of different hexes she’d love to throw at whoever made her sad. Even though it was entirely against her nature, she wished she could have done something to make Karolina feel better, comfort her somehow.

And then Karolina was all she could think about. Her warm smile, her smooth hair, her soft lips…

'No. No, No, No, I can’t.' Nico thought. She had closed herself off from these feelings for a reason. She still didn’t know if it was these type of feelings that had gotten Amy killed. But for the briefest second, in that bathroom, Nico had felt a flash of light break through her darkness for the first time since Amy.

Nico was so conflicted she felt like it was tearing her apart. Karolina was the only person who could make her feel like Amy did, but her feelings for Karolina were almost more terrifying than staying in the dark. Karolina may be the only light left for her in the world, but what would it cost her to get it?

She couldn’t do this on her own. Nico needed Amy. If she could just talk to her sister one last time, get the guidance she needed, maybe she could find her way out of the dark. Nico remembered a Wiccan spell she’d found that allowed the caster to commune with the dead. With no idea how it would turn out, Nico set off after school to try one last, desperate attempt at finding her hope.

When it didn’t work, Nico felt the weight of a thousand planets crushing her chest. She had no idea if it would work, but even the thought of seeing Amy had gotten her hopes too high, and it felt like she had lost her sister all over again. 

Nico lay on the sand, barely able to breath, her darkness threatening to destroy her. She couldn’t keep living like this. She needed a way out. Nico only saw one possible way, and she needed to go in that direction, even if it scared her.

Nico got up off the beach and headed for Alex’s house, hoping that maybe Karolina might have ended up there too.

 

 

Finding out her parents were evil wasn’t really a surprise to Nico. If anything, it made her feel less paranoid for being suspicious about them ever since Amy’s death. But seeing them hurt Destiny like that, a girl Amy’s age, stirred up Nico’s anger into a hot fire. They couldn’t get away with this. She wasn’t going to let her parents steal the life of any more girls.

For the first time in a long time, Nico wasn’t alone. The other kids took a bit longer to accept their parents were evil, but they all wanted to put a stop to it all as much as she did. Being around her old friends again felt good, even in these horrible circumstances. Alex was just as passionate about stopping their parents as she was, and Molly was always great to be near.

It also allowed her to be around Karolina again. Just being near her made Nico feel warm inside. Of course, there was no way Karolina would ever feel as strongly for Nico as Nico did for her, but being in close proximity was enough to make Nico feel just a little better.

 

Nico was scared for what Karolina must have been feeling in all this. She, out of all of them, might have been closest to her parents, and her entire religion was run by her mom. It broke Nico’s heart to hear Karolina’s horrified silence when she told her that her mom had been the one to locate the kids for their parents to kill. 

Watching Karolina fall apart in the parking lot of Timely devastated Nico, because she knew exactly what she was feeling. Nico’s entire world had already been destroyed two years ago, and she could see just that happening to Karolina right now. It only made her hate their parents even more, that they could cause this much hurt to someone so bright and innocent as Karolina.

Seeing Karolina hurting like this, Nico did what she wished she could have done in the bathroom earlier that week. She took Karolina into her arms and tried to make her feel okay. She was so focused on Karolina that she didn’t expect her own reaction to be so strong.

Hugging Karolina, even in this moment of crisis, was a revelation for Nico. Wrapping her arms around Karolina’s soft body, feeling her so close, Nico felt everything she had been missing since Amy died. She felt a strong burst of light inside her, and for the first time in two years, Nico felt at peace. She knew it couldn’t last, but Nico wished she never had to leave Karolina’s arms.

It never occured to Nico that the hug was just as life changing to Karolina as it was to her, but it was. In the middle of what had to be the worst day of her life, Karolina suddenly felt calm with Nico’s arms around her. All the horrible feelings about her murderous parents fell away, and all the confusion she had been feeling for the past few years about who she wanted to love fell away, and it became clear. 'Right. Okay. Girls.' Karolina thought. More specifically, Nico Minoru. Karolina had never experienced the kind of darkness she had felt today, but maybe if Nico was with her, she just might get through it.

Both girls had to shake off just how different they felt after a single hug to get back to the crisis at hand. Alex, kidnappers, imminent danger, maybe try to work out these complicated feelings later. 

In the middle of the chaos of rescuing Alex, Karolina took of her bracelet and started glowing rainbows from her entire body, and Nico melted. Nico was in pure awe at Karolina’s beauty and power. What could she have done to deserve someone so incredible in her life?

The way Karolina glowed on the outside and the way Karolina’s light glowed inside her darkness was all Nico could think about, at least in the moments she wasn’t panicking about how to stop their evil parents. 

 

Getting ready for the PRIDE Gala with Karolina was like heaven for Nico. To be able to spend time with her, just getting dressed and doing makeup, it felt so normal, almost like it used to be before. Like two normal girls getting ready for a school dance. Nico almost forgot their impending doom, and actually had fun.

“But what I saw you do the other night? It should never make you feel afraid...or ashamed.” Nico had felt like a freak before, and it ate her up inside so much she couldn’t sleep. She never wanted Karolina to feel like that, like her powers and lights were anything but something to be celebrated and cherished, like everything else about Karolina.

“Maybe I’m free, to be who I really am. And to be...honest about who I want to be with.”

Nico’s brain was fried, trying to process what Karolina was saying. She couldn’t possibly mean her, right? There was no way the perfect church girl could be gay. But she was just talking about how she was rebelling against her mother and the church. And she literally glows rainbows. And the way Karolina was looking at her, was it possible? Did Karolina think about her the way she thought about Karolina?

And then the door opened, and Gert and Molly came in, just before Nico could try to ask Karolina what she meant, and suddenly Nico thought inviting them over may have been the biggest mistake of her life.

 

The next few days were too hectic for Nico to consider trying to talk to Karolina alone, but at the dance, trying to find Gert and Chase, Nico felt somehow peaceful walking the school halls alone with Karolina. Nico dreaded what was to come, if the world really was about to end, and she wanted to savor this last moment of just getting to be close to Karolina.

They were nowhere to be found and the search seemed pointless, so Nico finally figured it was time to head back.

“Wait.”

Nico turned to look at Karolina. The look in her eyes was warm as always, but in this moment, it was also excited and terrified.

Karolina put her hands on Nico’s sides and pulled her close.

And then she kissed her. 

Every horrible feeling Nico had suffered in her life melted away when Karolina’s lips met hers. The hurt and shame she felt for liking girls, the pain of losing Amy, the betrayal of her parents, all of it was replaced with a peaceful bliss. Nico’s darkness was nowhere to be found in that moment, replaced by the overwhelming feeling of being loved, something she hadn’t felt in years.

Karolina was so soft, so warm, and kissing her was the most beautiful thing in the universe, just like Amy had said it would be to kiss a girl. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

Nico wanted to respond, say how long she had been wanting the same thing, how much Karolina meant to her, and then of course Gert showed up again to interrupt, this time with Chase.

Nico spent the car ride to the construction site glancing over at Karolina, suddenly more nervous for the end of the world, now that she felt like she might actually want to have a future in this world.

 

 

Nico couldn’t imagine a way that the battle at the construction site could have gone worse. No, the whole world hadn’t been destroyed, and they had escaped, but somehow they had escaped while Nico’s whole world had been left behind. It annoyed her how others seemed to question whether they would go back for Karolina before finally agreeing, but it would have been irrelevant because Nico would have walked across all of LA alone to fight whoever got in between her and Karolina, Staff or no Staff. There was no way Nico was going to let her parents take Karolina away from her, not right when they’d finally found each other, not again.

The longer they went without finding Karolina, the more Nico felt her darkness threatening to pull her down again, but Nico held onto the memory of Karolina’s lips to keep moving and fight to get her back.

 

As Nico approached the van where Karolina was changing, there were so many things she wanted to say. About how special Karolina was, how much Karolina meant to her, how incredibly resplendent Karolina was in every aspect of her being. 

All those things got caught in her throat as Karolina turned around and smiled at her. Two years of burying every feeling she had left Nico unable to express everything she was feeling in the moment, so she pushed forward and softly kissed Karolina, hoping that would get the message across. She could learn to express herself to Karolina better in the future, but seeing the loving look in Karolina’s eyes after they broke apart, Nico thought that it was at least enough for now. 

 

Nico had spent so many nights in the past couple years unable to rest, lying alone in her bed, surrounded by darkness. But now that she was with Karolina, Nico finally felt safe enough to sleep again. Even if they were in the back of a stolen Gib van, or a tent sitting on concrete in an alleyway of a homeless encampment, with Karolina’s body pressed against hers, Nico slept as soundly as had with Amy. 

The things that Nico loved about being with Karolina were infinite. She had admired her from afar since they were little kids, but actually being able to hold her, to kiss her, to experience the world by her side was overwhelming for Nico. Karolina’s light, the brightness she exudes in every aspect of her life, every interaction with another person, every consideration she made, was almost contagious. Nico started to think about things in a more positive light, see a better outcome. Karolina felt good to be around, and Nico wanted to be more like her, to be lighter, even if her darkness made that feel impossible.

It was difficult to express herself properly after years of closing herself off made it hard for Nico to talk openly about herself and her feelings, but emotional distance was the way of her parents, and Nico never wanted that for her and Karolina. Nico constantly tried to ask how Karolina was feeling, to check how she was doing during all this hell, to make sure she was comfortable with everything they did.

When Karolina talked about how she was feeling, it helped Nico understand how to talk about her own feelings. It was terrifying to be so vulnerable to anyone, but it felt amazing to let Karolina in. She was so understanding, helping Nico talk through her fears and worries and feelings.  
Just being able to talk with Karolina helped Nico start to feel alive again. She felt safer having Karolina to open up to, and it made her whole life feel warmer and brighter. Nico began to let herself feel some feelings, to care about certain things and people she wouldn’t have outwardly before. 

Karolina even helped her mend things with Alex. It still hurt that he had hidden parts of Amy from her, but he seemed genuinely sorry, and he was really trying to help the group. Also, Nico did feel a little bad for him. Kissing him was...fine, but she never really felt that way about him, and certainly nothing like she felt for Karolina. It wasn’t Alex’s fault he isn’t the gorgeous, glowing, flying girl of Nico’s dreams.

 

If Nico had any small bit of love or hope for her parents or who they used to be, it disappeared the second her mom hurt Karolina. It tore Nico up inside to see her mother, the person supposed to protect and support her, trying to hurt or even kill the girl she loved. It was probably too early into a normal relationship for a word like that, and Nico wasn’t going to just say it to Karolina at this point, but she didn’t know of any other word to describe how strongly she felt about Karolina. After everything her parents had done, to Amy, to Destiny, and now to Karolina, when her mother offered her the choice to have the Staff and to no longer be her family, it wasn’t even a hard decision.

Nico was confused about so many things in her life, but she finally began to understand who she was and what they were fighting for. Karolina was the most special person in the universe, but Nico also cared about her other Runaways. They had made a new family together, apart from their evil biological families, and Nico was going to do everything she could to protect it. She wanted them to be safe and feel open and accepted in all the ways her parents hadn’t let her be. 

Molly getting hurt by Topher was exactly what Nico wanted to protect them from. Any adults they interacted with betrayed them, tried to kill them, pretended to their age and try to kiss them like creeps. The only people they could trust was each other.

The only way Nico made it through was Karolina. Sleeping in bed with her at night, being able to talk about what was bothering her, letting Karolina see all of her, it was almost intoxicating, and knowing Karolina felt safe enough to let Nico see all of her too was just as beautiful. 

Nico was getting better at talking about her feelings, expressing herself to Karolina, which she appreciated because she needed Karolina to know how special she was, how much she cared for her, how powerful an impact on her life she’d had.

“You’re not scary. Not to me. Not ever. Hey, no, your light, I don’t mean your literal light, though that’s pretty cool, too, the light inside of you, that warmth, that openness, that’s everything I like about you. That’s what makes you who you are.”

 

Nico wasn’t mad at Karolina for going to see Jonah, especially when she found out he was her father. Karolina must have been scared by her new powers, and he would be the only person she could go to for answers. Nico knew Karolina had been hiding something, but she trusted her to work it out and come to her in time, and she was glad Karolina was finally being honest.

Honesty came with a price, though. Karolina said the one thing that could have devastated and confused Nico more than ever.

Jonah killed Amy.

Nico didn’t have it in her to be mad at Karolina, even when she defended Jonah. He was still her only connection to her alien side, and if Jonah could manipulate their parents into becoming evil, then Nico could see how easily he could manipulate someone as hopeful and trusting as Karolina. If anything it was another thing in Karolina that reminded her of Amy, trying to see the good in people no matter what. 

Jonah himself was a different story. From the moment Karolina said the words, something started bubbling up inside Nico, something she had never felt before. It was like her darkness was a tangible thing inside her, sitting inside her bones, boiling into a rage. She felt it flare up inside her whenever she thought of Jonah, and Nico wanted nothing more than to scream until her lungs exploded, or beat Jonah with something heavy until he turned to dust, or both. 

Nico wished she could quell whatever this feeling was for Karolina’s sake, and so they could focus on saving the trapped ship without killing California, but it kept fighting its way forward in her head. Using the Staff only seemed to make it worse, like both she and the darkness had a hand on the wheel when casting spells.

When she awoke after the ship had exploded, Nico looked across the lot and saw Jonah standing in front of her, alone and angry. Was that evil rage the look on his face when he took Amy’s life?

Suddenly Nico was right back in Amy’s bedroom, staring at her sister’s motionless body, feeling helpless and hopeless. Every bit of pain and fear that morning and in the two years since came rushing back, and Nico could only see him standing over Amy’s bed with that terrifying angry expression.

Nico felt the darkness surge inside her and take control as she recalled the Staff to her hand and began to walk forward. It was a weird and awful feeling to be not entirely in control, like something else was operating her body, but for the moment she wanted the same thing as the darkness did, so she didn’t try to fight. 

As Nico ran forward and leaped into the air, she kept seeing Amy’s blue, emotionless face flash into her mind, and she knew she needed to make Jonah pay for what he had done.

For just a moment, Nico heard Karolina screaming, and for just a moment she wanted to stop, find another way, allow Karolina to keep some type of connection to her alien parent, but it was too late to stop it now. 

As Nico sailed through the air towards Jonah, she took every bit of hurt and torment she had endured from losing her sister, every lonely night crying herself to sleep, every year of Amy’s life that she never got to live because of him, put it in the end of the Staff, and drove it through his back.

Nico came to in a daze, and had to remind herself of where she was. The construction site. Big ship was there, now exploded. Jonah was dead, Karolina sad about it. Who killed Jonah? Right. She did.

Nico didn’t know what to do except try to get her friends out of there now that there was noone to save but themselves. She cast a quick sleep spell and allowed them to climb back in the car and sit through a very quiet ride back to the Hostel.

Nico was dreading talking to Karolina, and when the time came, it was about as bad as she had feared. Of course Karolina was mad, she had killed her father. Even if he was evil, Nico had cut off any chance Karolina had of better understanding her other world. Nico tried to apologize, explain her actions, but Karolina wasn’t able to talk about it without getting angry and devastated at her loss.

Ever since it happened, Nico was terrified of the way her body had been seemingly controlled by her darkness, the Staff, maybe both. It scared her, and Nico wanted nothing more than to tell Karolina, have Karolina hold her and tell her it would be okay and that they’d find a way to fix it, but Nico couldn’t tell her about this.

Nico couldn’t say that she’d felt possessed, or that something had taken over her, because that would seem like an excuse. Even if Nico had wanted to stop and find another way, a large part of her still wanted Jonah dead, and to blame something else felt dishonest.

 

Eventually Karolina said she needed some time. They weren’t over, she just needed to be alone, and when she was ready they would talk it out and make it work. 

Nico wanted to give her all the space she needed, so she found a new place to sleep found a new place to sleep for the time being. Or, try to sleep. Without Karolina, Nico was back to restlessness, being kept up by the darkness screaming inside her. Even though she was living with her friends, the crushing loneliness returned, made worse by the fact that Karolina was so close by, but Nico couldn’t go to her anymore. It didn’t help that every time she cast another spell, she felt her darkness threatening to take control from her again. Nico knew she couldn’t let that happen, not again. If she wasn’t in control, she might hurt someone else this time, and if it were one of her friends, especially Karolina, then Nico could never live with herself.

The only thing that got Nico through this time was that Karolina had said they weren’t over, that they would work it out in time. Nico didn’t know how long, but she had to believe Karolina would let her back in eventually.

That night, talking to Karolina across the balcony, was such a relief to Nico. It wasn’t back to the way it was, but Karolina was talking to her, softly and calmly, and it felt like the worst might finally be over. Karolina had said they would talk in the morning, and maybe then they could start to put themselves back together. 

Before they got the chance, the Hostel was attacked. 

Another of Alex’s plans had gone south, and now they had cops, or maybe dirty cops, or maybe there was no difference, trying to break in. Nico saw images in her head of Karolina and her friends being dragged back to their parents by these pigs, or maybe just killed where they stood. Nico couldn’t let that happen, no matter how dangerous her magic might be.

First a camouflage spell, then an armor spell, both more than she had ever done before, and they felt like they were destroying her. Trying to keep the spells up was wearing her out, making her strain so hard it felt like it was physically tearing her apart. On top of that, she could feel the darkness trying to wrestle control every second, and it hurt so much Nico could barely stand it. She kept her eyes on Karolina whenever she could in the chaos, trying to remind herself who she was doing this for. If doing this literally tore her in half, Nico thought it would be worth it as long as Karolina was safe. She held on for as long as she could, but eventually the pain became too much and she began to feel herself fading. As she lost consciousness, Nico thought of Karolina, hoping she had managed to do just enough that she would make it out okay.

 

The next thing Nico could remember, she was standing in front of a pile of clothes and gear, about to fall over from the pain and exhaustion, when she felt the familiar arms of Karolina wrap around her and hold her up. So Karolina was there, she was okay. Karolina had made it. Molly and Livvie came running, they were okay too, and Alex was there. They had all made it. 

She was relieved they had survived, but in piecing together how everything had ended, Nico was more scared than ever. Had she really killed all those men? Sure, they deserved it, and it saved their own lives, but Nico knew she couldn’t trust whatever was taking control of her magic to be so discerning in the future. 

No matter the comfort she knew Karolina could provide, Nico was too scared to be around her right now. This monster inside of her, whatever it was, what if it hurt Karolina? Or Molly? Or anyone in the new family she had found. What if it scared them off, made them afraid to be around her? What if they should be afraid around her?

Whatever happened, Nico couldn’t let it hurt them. She tried a binding spell to keep whatever it was at bay. If she didn’t use magic, never touched the Staff, then it couldn’t do any damage. It couldn’t hurt her friends.

That lasted about a day. It was even a pretty good day. Nico let herself pretend she wasn’t terrified by her own darkness, and had fun planning Molly’s quinceanera, shopping for clothes and doing makeup like they were normal girls who weren’t fighting for their lives everyday.

Karolina had even held her close during a slow song during the dancing, and they just swayed together in each other’s arms. They still hadn’t had the chance to talk about where they were at together, but Nico was able to feel Karolina’s warmth toward her once again, like they were headed in the right direction. And even if everything was confusing, at least for that moment, Nico was dancing in a pretty dress under the shining lights with the girl she loved. 

But the next day it was back to business, back to dangerous situations that regular Nico couldn’t help anyone in. She knew Karolina was going to go no matter what, and where Karolina would go, Nico would go, and she’d be useless to help Karolina without her magic. So even though it scared her to death, Nico recalled the staff and broke the binding spell. 

Nico gave Karolina as much time as she could to get out, desperately hoping she wouldn’t have to magic their way out if at all possible. Luckily she didn’t have to, because Karolina was, as always, incredible on her own. Looking at her, floating above the world, glowing for all to see, Nico felt warm and safe once again. As long as Nico could be near Karolina, in all her resplendent power, maybe she’d be okay.

Back at the Hostel, things actually felt okay for the first time in a long time. She was able to talk to Karolina again, open and honest like they had been before. Being vulnerable with Karolina, admitting her fear of the Staff, even to say that she maybe hadn’t been there for Karolina like she should have, made Nico feel a warmth inside her, feeling like Karolina could see all of her, even the worst, and still look at her with the kindest eyes she had ever seen. The way Karolina responded to her fears changed Nico forever. 

“Have you thought that maybe your darkness is you?”

Nico had always known that the darkness was there, but she had never seen it as a source of power, only something that threatened to drag her down and destroy her. But if Karolina could look at everything she’d done, killing Jonah and then the strike team, and see it as a power, see some beauty there, then maybe it wasn’t there to destroy her. Maybe she could learn to use it, learn to control the darkness to save her and her friends. If Karolina could use her light, maybe she could use her darkness. 

When Karolina’s lips pressed against Nico’s for the first time in a long time, Nico felt like she was flying as high as Karolina had been just a short while before. Nico felt her darkness inside her, but for the first time, it felt manageable. If Nico was with Karolina, she could overpower any darkness inside her or any darkness that stood against them. For the first time in over two years, Nico felt hope.

 

Twenty-Four hours later, Karolina was gone.

“I can’t lose Karolina like I lost Amy.” 

Her own words repeated over and over in her head in the hours since she’d first said it. 

She had already lost the light of her life once, and it was too much to think she might have again. Nico tossed over in their bed, unable to sleep without Karolina there to share it. 

Nico thought about all the times they’d shared together in this bed. Talking, kissing, sleeping, just getting to exist together in this space that belonged to them and only them.  
And now she was gone, kidnapped by the evil aliens possessing their evil parents. They didn’t know where to look, and they had few options left to fight with so few of them left.  
They had decided to get some sleep and work out a plan in the morning, but what could a bad night’s sleep do to improve their odds? Nico felt the darkness closing in, ready to crush her like it almost had after Amy.

In the height of her despair, she remembered Karolina’s words.

“There’s no leaving each other, not anymore. No matter where we go, no matter the distance between us, I will always come back to you.”

Nico couldn’t lose Karolina like she had lost Amy.

Nico wouldn’t lose Karolina like she had lost Amy.

She got out of bed, no use trying anymore. Nico found an outfit for the next day. Something light, breathable, moveable. Something she wouldn’t mind getting bloody.

“No, You’re Not the Light of the World but you Shine on Me.”

Nico stood in front of the graffitti in the main room in the Hostel, pacing back and forth. Jonah had already taken the light of her world once, and Nico wasn’t going to let it happen again. She didn’t care what it took. Nico would use everything at her disposal to destroy Jonah and save Karolina, even her darkness. She could learn to use it, like Karolina had said. Control it, then use it to destroy Jonah.

She had let it free earlier to take out her parents. Nico didn’t know if they were dead, and at this point she didn’t care. They had done nothing but take from her. Amy was gone because of them, she felt alone everyday since because of them, and just today they had stolen the chance for her to finally tell Karolina exactly how she felt about her. They weren’t her family anymore. 

Nico knew Karolina had promised to come back to her, no matter the distance. But if Karolina had been taken or trapped, then it was up to Nico to get back to her, and nothing, not her parents, Jonah, aliens from another planet, not even the fucking Avengers would be able to stop her from getting back to her love. 

Nico began twirling the Staff around her hands and started dancing around the room, running through her various martial arts knowledge, letting her darkness flow through her movements, exercising control over it for the first time. It was no longer a part of her she was fighting a losing battle against. It was apart of her, her power to control and use as she pleased. It was weapon, one she would use to kill Jonah again and save Karolina.

In a few hours, the rest of the Hostel would be awake to make a plan. Then it was time for war.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if it counts as doing a dead lesbian trope if you retroactively make a dead character a lesbian, but Amy is a lesbian in my mind, and I didn't exactly change her fate here, so, uh, sorry.


End file.
